How many times have I jumped through controversial emotions during this past year! Once happy,just to fall into sadness the very next moment,desperation,then come back to joy again,LOVE in my heart as vast as the entire universe.......and more....more....more.......!!!!!!!
The flashback of my life came to my mind the last few days,recalling memories!!! My so-called-progress and evolution,almost parallel to Michael's.With a slight difference! He was 8 years older than me,I love calling him my older brother! Parallel,only to the point I was leading a life at the same era with him,I had the privelege to have lived along with him! So-called,cause Michael evolved to being the perfect,progressed,while I got stuck !
In 1987,two weeks before he started his BAD TOUR, me,I was getting married! So,what's news here?Who cares? I,for starters,do.Michael,I think he would.That's the flashback or better, now's the time for me to realise what has happened back then!
What is Michael's legacy? '''''What is not?''''''-is the proper question! His music,his art,his life,messages,messages,messages!
My sweet Michael,I can clearly remember far before BAD ERA,you shaking the world.Before,after and always the world trembled to the rhythm of your feet!I loved your music,your lyrics,your moves ,your smile,your eyes..
My sweet,sweetest man,I had put you to the background of my life-if you can call it life-it was just existing,not living!Years and years have passed through,you leading your smashing musical life,hits after hits,a lonely life up at the top,troubled by people who hated see you happy! No one had the right,noone should have ever touched you or make you hurt!Still,it happened!
And all these years,where was I? The day you left this planet I experienced feelings unknown to me!The absolute separation!I had never thought it existed!A separation I will never feel again!Ever since that day,my primar thought is you!
I knew exactly what has happened to me that day,from the very first second.But,it had to take me a year to realise why I get sad thinking 1987,sadder even than the thought of your departure.
Why is that?Is it because I had a crash on you and then by commiting myself to another man,I betrayed you?No,that is not the case.I mean,I did had a crash on you,how would I help it afterall,you the perfection!!!
The thing that's killing me is that I was so immature back then to understand what you were telling me through your songs!So many messages,which year by year where even wiser.You,guided by God,I had to grasp that one message back then. I should have understood better!I had to act like myself,fight for a better me,a better world,be brave,stand up for my beliefs,my ideals.Instead,I chose the road of jail.I willingly imprisoned myself into the cage of non-myself-appreciation,putting my real self to the background!Luck of self-esteem,luck of maturness!I put you in the background,oh,how wrong was I!
I suppose I had taken you for granted!You were there!Every time I took a glimpse of you,I could clearly see the glow around you,your halo!I couldn't understand then,I know now.I wasn't the one connected to you,I was simply a sheep lost,seeking for it's true identity!You were connected with me,yet,I had to lose you,to find out!
''YOU'RE JUST ANOTHER PART OF ME'':the words spoke the ultimate truth.I and all those who see your truth,the love you were made of,we all,-so fortunate to be included-I'm part of you,you're part of me!
I LOVE YOU MICHAEL JACKSON,SO INTENSLY,MY WHOLE BODY LIVES TO YOUR BLOOD-FLOW,MY HEART BEATS TO YOUR HEARTBEAT,MY AIR,MY OXYGEN COMES FROM YOU,THE WAY I LOOK THE WORLD NOW COMES FROM YOUR ENDLESS BROWN OCEANS OF YOUR EYES!!!!
I ADMIT,THE BOTTLE OF PEELS WAS SO TEMPTING THE DAY YOU LEFT!!! WHAT DID PREVAIL SO THAT I STILL AM ALIVE?
My belief to God is absolute,nevertheless,I was afraid of my last day on Earth,I was afraid I weren't worthed Heaven!
THE DAY YOU LEFT,I KNEW! THE PLACE IN HEAVEN IS ALREADY EARNED BECAUSE YOU ARE THERE! I DON'T INTEND TO LOSE THAT PLACE,NO MATTER WHAT!!!!
I LOVED YOU BEFORE,I LOVE YOU NOW,I'LL LOVE YOU ENDLESSLY TILL THE DAY I'M GONE FROM THIS PLANET AND I'M COUNTING DOWN DAYS TILL I FINALLY JOIN WITH YOU AND BECOME A WHOLE ENTITY AGAIN!!!
I love,love,love you!!!!!!!!!